Allo Albania

It was a very smooth journey to Tirana. Picked up early morning, straight through security and no delay on the flight. In fact I think it left a few minutes early. We even made a friend on the flight. Desmond. He was a lovely bloke. And despite how it sounds, he was actually about 24, in the RAF and really into travelling around Europe. He did not own a barber shop. Glad we chose Ryanair though and not Air Albania. Their planes are a little behind the times…

We got a taxi into the city. The guy was lovely. He told us a bit of history and some Albania facts. Mostly that there are more Albanians outside of Albania than in. Made me wonder what we were going to find. Not exactly a good advert for the country. Also kept talking about before, during and after the war but I’m not really sure what war he was talking about. On the way we saw a Ferrari bed for sale in a window. Never seen one in real life before. I wonder who that is marketed to. Also saw two girls, must have been late teens, with EXACTLY, the same outfit on and both had very long straight blonde hair. Could have been twins but even so surely you grow out of that phase at about 7-8 years old.

Got to the hotel but the room wasn’t ready so we asked for a recommendation for lunch nearby. The guy recommended a place round the corner with a ‘big menu.’ We found it no problem and it looked very nice and was only just opening for the day so we headed inside and they gave us some table water with the drinks menu. However, I looked up the menu online and had the absolutely horrible realisation that it was a seafood restaurant and I mean EVERYTHING was fish. There was not a single item of food that was not fish. I hate seafood. We sort of looked at each other and didn’t know what to do. In the end we clumsily lied that I had a seafood allergy and mimed ‘rash’ to the waiter, apologised in a very British manner, paid far too much for a glass of water and left with red faces. We then found a kebab shop and had cylindrical ‘meatballs’ instead.

We took note of how bananas the driving was while in the kebab shop. People literally just pop their hazards on and park in the middle of the street. Not even at the side of the road. Could be in the middle lane. And horn culture is rife! Still no idea how you cross the road as the green walk light seems to mean nothing as cars were still beeping at us and driving towards us. I’m sure the taxi driver said something about them never having legalising driving licences or something. Makes sense.

Finally got let into the room and all I could see was myself. Literally. It was like the house of mirrors. Everywhere. Floor to ceiling. They also thought they would put the TV behind two metal poles which just slightly obscured the view from Adams side of the bed. Good job he’s seen most of the episodes of ‘he Simpson’ before.

A quick nap and then we were out exploring. We made it to the main square and were quite taken aback by the sheer vastness of, well, nothing. It was just a huge empty space. Pictures don’t really do it justice in all honesty but I’ll give it a go.

There was also quite an impressive mosaic on the museum building and some incredibly questionable architecture around. One building looked like one of those pin boards that you make hand prints in. Though we all know what you boys have also tried to imprint.

We went to our first museum ‘Bunk’Art’ which was a police museum and sort of explained about communism in Albania before 1997. I think. I’m still very confused about the matter but what I can say is that it was bad. People were enslaved and killed and, well, that’s all I came away with. It was set in a nuclear bunker that was never used for that purpose. There was Generals quarters set up just in case down there and Adam pulled a little prank on his poor mum telling her that was our hotel and bless her, I don’t think she knew how to reply before he came clean.

We went to see a pyramid thing which I think is basically like the one in Stockport. I was kind of expecting something else but I think it was just a bank or telecoms company. They did, however, see me coming. They had bariatric chairs outside!

Now hungry, we found a recommended eatery on Tripadvisor called Oxhaket (think I’ll get any money for this?) which was really really good (seriously pay me?) then we went to a bar in the ‘castle’ grounds. That’s in quotes because I saw nothing of a castle other than a brick wall. Also saw a giant mosque which looked disused and an eerie purple glow coming from behind the pin board building which we still can’t figure out.

Day two started with a chocolate croissant in Le Bon (£-££ ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️) and then a walk into town as Adam had snapped his fit bit strap (which was currently being held together, ingeniously by some dental floss) and I wanted some sunglasses I had seen the day before. Quick pitstop at the ‘I ❤️ t’ sign to take a pic of the locals while creating a distraction and then lunch in the ‘castle.’ We were entertained by the local pop stars too.

We’ve seen a few references to Mother Teresa while here. I think she has Albanian blood. I think this is a statue of her that we saw on the way to the shopping centre. Either that or they REALLY like Star Wars.

Next on the agenda was the ‘House of Leaves’ museum which was the secret surveillance museum. Again more communism and more stuff that I don’t understand but BAD. I’ll stick to science. We met some people in there from Bolton. You just can’t go anywhere can you?

We then decided to go to Sky Club which is a revolving 360 bar and to be honest was amazing. Great views and nice inside. Though I did feel like I was 19 again in Syndicate in Blackpool. Put your handbag down and never find it again.

There was also an outside platform with a tacky picture spot. So of course we took some pictures.

Went for our evening meal in a ‘snazzy’ bar. By snazzy I mean they had taken 50 years worth of junk and stuck it on the walls. I liked it. Adam thought it was shit which kind of highlights the difference in our levels of sophistication. Had cylindrical meatballs again. Honestly guys we know the word Kofta, you can just call them that.

Knackered we retired to the hotel room. It was so hot in there that we tried our hand at working the air con. I even googled the manual. We had to get the woman on reception in to help. Would you believe that to get it working we had to turn the temperature up? What kind of backwards air con is that?

And so we were picked up for the airport early morning. Again a reasonably smooth journey. I have to say the airport in Tirana is very modern. Though I had to question this..

They say it gets earlier every year but March?!

So, what have I learned? Well Albania is a developing country with a socialist past. It’s majority Islamic but it doesn’t feel like any other Islamic country I’ve been to before. There are more Albanians out than in and most of those are in Tirana. So who knows what the rest of the country is like. The people are quite poor but there seems to be money being put into building the city. It is very cheap. The people are very friendly. They really like big teddy bears and they are everywhere. Everybody smokes. Seriously guys, have you heard of lung cancer? They don’t understand the concept of a ball being spherical. They love Mother Teresa. Or Star Wars.

And with that I bid you a final adieu and it is Tira for now (see what I did there?) and I will see you again in Dublin in a couple of weeks for the next installment!