Not My Big Fat Greek Wedding

So last week I got back from a week in beautiful Rhodes. A few of you asked if I would blog while I was there and I said I would but only if funny things happened. Well, I’ve decided to consolidate it into one post.

So what did I do in the beautiful, hot country of Greece? Well to be completely honest I slept. A lot. People who know me will not be surprised by this. I like a good sleep. Some call it excessive. I call them jealous. The hotel was great. Everything we could’ve asked for. Food was pretty much available at all times. Of course I stuck to the haute cuisine.

We were there to celebrate our friends, Emma and Joe’s wedding, and we were not alone. There were 73 of us the hotel. That’s right 73 northern English folk at an all inclusive resort in Greece that know each other. Crackers. I was constantly saying hello to people. I also had to remember that Adam didn’t really know anyone and kept introducing him to people. So at 4pm when I did emerge from my pit and enter the pool life it was like ‘hi, hey, oh have you seen such and such, your kids just about to fall in the pool’ before we had even found a bed!

The first evening was great the bar was open until 1am everyone was having those all inclusive cocktails and drinks and the lads start dancing, chanting ,and sort of break dancing and then the bar is now open until 12am.

I do remember saying to someone at one point ‘there’s just so many children’ and this is why I sleep a lot! (*quiet whispers because I can*)

I don’t need to tell you about how beautiful Rhodes Old Town is. It’s boring. You can look it up. You came here for the jokes. I’ve stuck a pic in to keep your eyes entertained. You’re more interested in the fact that I fell asleep on on the coach journey back and that I had leaned on the nice man from Vienna next to me. I’m sure he is not giving me the same niceties in his blog.

I’ve bonded with my friends children on this holiday and I love that. I also love that it’s absolutely reinforced the idea that I absolutely do not ever want to become a mother. I’ll keep my sleep.

Now as you know I got with Adam in 2018 and then obviously with covid and the lark plus the fact we live in a different northern town he has just been thrown into a jungle of people he does not know. He did pretty well to involve himself considering he’s probably never touched a rugby ball in his life. And if he has I can guarantee it’s not been league, it’s union.

We had a lovely night with Allan and Jo in the Apollo bar. Nicola joined us later. We drank and spoke about our lives and Allan told us all about his rugby coaching and charitable feats. It was a really lovely evening. So I’ll let you guess my reaction at the next nights interaction between me and Adam:

Baby, you won’t believe this. You know Allan. Rugby coach Allan. He’s just come up to me at the bar and said ‘here, what’s Michelle’s partners name?’ Well I just stood there and said do you mean me? He went ‘yeah sorry pal. What’s your name?’ ‘Adam’ ‘Aaron?’

Dead

Well I thought I was dead until I experienced Flynny and his lovely wife Lyndsay. We got a taxi home with them from the wedding venue just to save a few euros. As we were walking out he turns and says ‘I’m gonna ride her like Tea Biscuit’ in the most sincere, gravelly northern voice you’ve ever heard. What do you mean Christian? You’re going to go all soggy and fall apart just after the first dunk? For you younger readers I think he meant Seabiscuit who was a famous champion race horse. Anyway we got in the taxi and he declared ‘sorreh, I’ve broken wind,’ and we spent the entire journey discussing scissoring and how it didn’t make sense for Lyndsay. I’ll get her a chart one day. When looking through the pictures I did find this. The one that I think started it..

Speaking of the wedding I should mention how bloody marvellous it was. I was a bit worried I was going to fry alive but luckily the gods brought a couple of clouds that saved me from plastic surgery and added some drama to the wedding photos. The bride looking stunning (or fit, really fit, like really sexy as Joes friends voice note said) as did the rest of the wedding party. Adam and I spent the night snapping photos of everyone with the cameras. We got 750. A lot of them crap but some real diamonds.

After the wedding we had a couple of down days and then had the journey home. So we made our way down to the reception for around half nine at night. Nothing untoward at first. Got on the bus and he went to another hotel and then another and then Jenny said we had done a circle. We had already been to that hotel. We had moved like 5 miles in an hour. Tensions seemed to be rising high up in the front the driver was shouting in Greek and going back and forth. Then he seemed to get stuck. Like actually stuck. Have you seen Austin Powers when he tries to do that manoeuvre and it just hits the wall?

Well we all start panicking thinking are we going to make it to the flight? There are rumours going around that it’s his first day, I suggested using Waze. I then got accused of being sponsored by Waze. I’m not sponsored by Waze I just really like the app. There’s talk of us getting us getting a taxi. Anyway we made it.

Rhodes airport isn’t much to comment on but they are quick with their security. So we got on the plane and all was well. All except for the turbulence. It probably wasn’t in the best taste for me to suggest that the bus driver was also piloting the plane.

‘Air hostess, does the Pilot use Waze?’’