Don’t assume anything

Just when I thought this day couldn’t get any crazier, this afternoon happened.

We went on the village tour. Another tourist trap but ah well. Now Nala and I had the conversation about elephant riding and we both agreed it was cruel so I was shocked to find out this guy was my transport to the village. I took the photo before I knew. I wasn’t entirely happy about it but was too shy to say anything. Poor oxen.

Then we went on a boat trip on the lake. Not sure how legitimate the tour guide was as he tried to smash the lock and chain off one boat before deciding on another. The lake was nice. There was a good view of Sigiriya and some jumping frogs. The captain of the ship also made me a special hat.

Then we got to a traditional village house where they showed me how they made food from scratch. Even rice. I had no idea how rice came from a plant before. Little did I know they then expected me to eat this meal and of course I came over all of a dither. See most of you reading this will know about my greatest affliction, my phobia of wet food. And you can imagine that this was all wet. I did my usual trick of mixing it all up and moving it around the plate eating popadoms and rice to keep up the pretence of eating.

Now for the crazy part, the return journey. Now I think this may be the maddest thing that’s ever happened to me, or indeed anyone. Ladies and gentlemen. Please enjoy the following videos with the sound on full.

That’s right. It’s the party Tuk Tuk. Kitted out with full speaker system. Every Sri Lankan boy racer’s wet dream.

I tipped him and told him to buy some more songs.

I must add, before it arrived Nala told me I might not fit in it. FF5.

We headed to Polonnaruva past a giant Buddha and loads of cows. Oh and an elephant just at the side of the road. Speaking of which apparently there are 465 domestic elephants in Sri Lanka. Imagine that. 465 pet elephants. What the hellephant Where you going to walk that every day?

Nala told me the man who determined my body type from my pulse (absolutely not by looking at me) was an actual doctor. Boy did I go to the wrong medical school. If only things were that easy.

Got to Polonnaruva and wow! What an absolutely amazing place. An ancient city with suburbs from the 12th century. It became more amazing the further you went. Just to emphasise the size of the place, you had to drive around it. It was too far to walk around the whole site. I honestly didn’t expect it to be so amazing. Considering it was $25 entrance and the village was $20 (although I would have paid that for disco Dave and his mobile rave) it was great value for money!

Nala told me earlier that there are government run buses and private companies. Apparently the government drivers get paid a standard salary but the private ones get paid commission per customer and that they try to get as many as they can. No word of a lie I’ve just witnessed fast and the furious with buses. Literally racing. Lots of beeping and flashing. Incredibly unsafe and quite frankly frightened the living daylights out of me. I shall not be getting on a bus here.

Could not be bothered with the restaurant tonight so bought some dinner from the supermarket.

You’ll be happy to know the bread was terrible and so I just ate the cheese.

Also had a big row with the staff over the WiFi and I fell over when getting up to answer the door to them because my floor is now slippery from all the massage oil earlier. Anyway, safe to say after getting angry with the manager the WiFi is working perfectly and a hell of a lot faster. Funny that isn’t it!